she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
