I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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