Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
