she was so not down for the gang bang
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
