I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
