I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
