I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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