Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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