i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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