just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
