if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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