The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
