you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
