Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
