Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
