My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
