Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
