apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
