It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
