I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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