On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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