a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
