How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
