I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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