She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
