You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
