like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
