Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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