I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
