i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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