I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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