He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
