I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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