My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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