Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
