moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
