just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
