i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
