Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
