I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
