All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
