i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
