how can u be prego again
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize