What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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