Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
