Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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