also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
