I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
