He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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