Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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