guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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