Buhtt sex?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
