just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
