that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
