just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
