I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
