I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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