If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
