Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
