tonight lets celebrate not being married
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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