Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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