I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
