Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
