I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
