there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
