hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
