I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
