WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently you make a good broom.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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