I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
