A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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