Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
