Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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