The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
