Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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