We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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