We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
