I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just high enough for therapy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
