The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
